Advice on marriage 1.0

"You can call it the seven-year itch or whatever you want." Let's call it "whatever."

This is how a colleague of mine began when I told her I was engaged. She wanted to hear the proposal story, the dress story, the planning so far. Delighted. Thrilled. Then she offered this important advice.

"They say it happens about every seven years, but whatever. You just look up and think, 'What did I do? Who the hell is this guy?' Did I say I learned this in pre-Cana (which for you non-Roman Catholics is the pre-marital course on marriage, both earthy and sacramental)? And it's true! Ugh! I had been with (let's call him) Chris just about seven years and we were living in [A City] and things were good, but I looked up and thought, ugh. Whatever."

"Exactly," says I.

"But we talked about that. We also just waited it out. You know?" TWIL and I have been together eight years, so I nodded, not really sure I knew. "And it's better on the other side. You're better friends. You learn that when the delight goes out of marriage that it's not a failure. I was so reassured to know that this is what happens. We could have predicted it. So that's my advice. When you get to that place where you think she's sort of disgusting. Whatever. That's what happens when you get married. Enjoy it. It'll be fine."

Parade of Dresses 1.1, also on Film

Here's another picture of TWIL at this year's Running of the Brides.

In a neat, small-world coincidence, I just got word that Dawn Morrissey (Boston Irish Film Festival Producer) and a founding member of my screenwriting group, is bringing pieces of her short film-in-progress to the Tyra Banks show tomorrow (Weds. Oct. 11, at 3:00 p.m. in Boston on Fox/RCN cable). The heading is Extreme Fashion and Odd Plastic Surgery. The Running of the Brides, about the crazy bargain bridal gown sales at Filene's Basement stores, falls under the extreme fashion heading, I suppose. I don't think even Dawn compares the sale with BASE jumping or swimming with sharks. But she didn't title the segment, either.

You've checked out the prospective bride. Check out "Running..." tomorrow.

There's a place for us... 1.1 (Hope)

Hope. That's what we've got. Though our efforts to persuade unwilling homeowners has been nil so far, we've have Appointments and Visits scheduled.

Here's what Laurelyn wrote to Kate, whose house we loved, when we thought that maybe, just maybe, she was willing to have our wedding at her family's Cape house.

Hi Kate,

We like your house so much that I wanted to write back right away too. Can I tell you a little about us and also ask you help us think of things we could do to make you feel comfortable enough to consider having the wedding at your property?

We'’d want to do what it takes to raise your level of confidence that we'll take care of the place, take responsibility for everything that happens there, and make you whole if anything, god forbid, ends up in more pieces than when we walked in. We could provide references, work closely with the fussiest property manager you can find, and discuss putting down a deposit that would cover your risk.

John and I have been together for 8 years. We live together in Somerville MA, north of Boston in a house we own. I am the manger of visual merchandising for Swarovski North America. I have been meticulously arranging products for many specialty store chains such as Restoration Hardware, Crate and Barrel, and Lindt Chocolate. Yes, Lindt chocolate. But crystal is much easier on the waist line. I am a bit of a workaholic but John is very understanding and is often cooking dinner while I am on my 80-minute commute home from Rhode Island.

John is a consultant who creates customized training for companies like Pepsi, MetLife, and Blue Cross Blue Shield. He is also writing screenplays and with luck and a few years effort, I think he really has a shot at getting one of them produced. He'’s not old, but he is 48, never married, and anything but wild and crazy. And I'’m 38, also never married. We're pretty careful; that's what that means. At least, that's the silver lining. Most of our friends are older, too.

We are extremely tidy folks (you should see our house) and I know that we cannot control all of our guests but many of our guests don't even drink alcohol, including the groom. John used to be a monk in an Episcopal monastery. He likes to say that he lost his religious vocation but found love.

We are not having children at the wedding. We don't want the whole gang in the house any more than you would. The wedding and reception would take place in the tent, good weather or bad. We're expected 85 - 90 people.

Also, we'’re telling the story of the countdown to our wedding in a weblog, which you can see online here [the link to State of Bliss was here]. Let us know if we talked you into a negotiation. We hope to hear from you.

Sincerely,
John and Laurelyn

Kate took time to call Laurelyn, discuss the house further, and politely say no. But she said, "I know you've been having trouble finding a place. I read your blog." So for my ego's sake I'll believe that she laughed and cried and reflected on the meaning of life and love. It's all in here.

I'm not superstitious, but for the time being, I'll just add that there are three houses where owners are willing to have the wedding and we're going to visit them on October 28. We have an appointment with hope.

Thank you, Bliss-makers at Ganapati Studios

When I proposed to TWIL (for you latecoming readers, that is, The Woman I Love), I boxed the ring box inside a cake-sized box and put a card on top. I'll let her decide whether to tell you what I wrote to declare my love without tipping my hand.

The card I chose is now the header of our blog. Take a look at the image for a second because it's us all over: a winking appreciation for the past, which you see in the tourist postcard design; a juxtaposition of sentiments that falls short of sentimentality (but only inches short); secular and religious myth and romance mingled together; and a loud invocation of delight on a journey into unfamiliar territory.

When I gave the blog the same title as the card, I asked the good folks at Ganapati Studios if we could use the image. Phil and Sarah must know something about myth and romance, because they agreed to lend us a jpeg. We're thrilled at the way the image beautifies our site and sums up the countdown to our wedding. Thanks again, Phil and Sarah.

The rest of you can see their work by clicking on title to this entry or see all their cards and products by clicking on the Ganapati Studios link in the sidebar.

Ambitious plans to upgrade this site include making the image a link to Phil and Sarah's business site. But, baby steps.

Parade of Wedding Dresses 1.0

My friend Dawn Morrissey has started a short documentary tentatively titled The Running of the Brides, which describes the frenzy and life-threatening risk of shopping for a gown at the Filene's Basement wedding dress sale. Yes, Dawn did find her gown there and made it to the altar without a hitch.

TWIL made it through the Running... too, arriving after initial madness and emerged without contusions or body blows. I'll leave it to her to tell whether it bruised hope and romance.

Here is the first of a number of maybe, kind-of, sort-of, but ultimately 'no' offerings.