Dowry or Brideprice? Ah, shucks, everyone pays!

In the old days - pick some date in history about which you know nothing - dowry was assumed. The father paid the groom , depending on your view of the world, for the expense of setting up a household with his daughter, or as a signing bonus for shifting the cost of supporting the girl off his household profit and loss statement. The nearest thing to it today is the help ($$) that the bride's father (traditionally) gives toward the ceremony. And I've already said, though we've had help from many quarters, we're not having a traditional wedding.

What I was doing last week could be called "brideprice." But then, I volunteered. I spent the week with TWIL's dad and stepmom. We cleared brush, moved neglected piles of firewood, cleared some more brush, then pulled up patio paving stones and put down some that were far nicer, not just where they were but over a an area so wide that it's now the place where we'll have cocktails after the wedding. So you could call it "gullible," "sucking up," or for the good-natured among you, "only fair," because much as I love them, I would have to be crazy to do what they're doing. We love the way they're crazy.

Now, we did have help: Chris Danielson and girlfriend Jess Franco were in town from Boulder CO. He was laying paving stone, too, thank god. Another wedding guest and long-time colleague of Lee's, Peter Mear, was also hard at work. Mike Ferro, brother in law and husband of Ellen (sister), also spent 2/3 of a day humping stone like a Trojan (even though the cliches are right, it sounds wrong, doesn't it?).

Lee, Jean Roberts, Alan Betz (brother in law), and Karen Betz (sister). Apologies all around for this snapshot. Really, it's the best of the lot.

On Friday night, my sister Karen, her husband Alan, and their daughter Katherine came to a barbeque with my mom, Jean, and dad, Dave.

Rah-cha-cha! (Read "Rochester")

For those of you in the back of the room, a little review.

We wanted...

• A place where we could settle for a few days and invite friends,
• An outdoor location for the wedding,
• A grassy place big enough for the reception tent,
• Enough privacy to prevent the police from interrupting "Twist and Shout."
• A place that we could make beautiful with our own hands and help from People Who Love Us (PWLU)

Months ago, I observed, "Your dad's place has lawn enough. Too bad it's in Rochester." When we joked about the idea to Lee (TWIL's Dad) and Fran, they said they'd be glad to have the wedding. Which is just like them. But it was just conversation and we let it drop.

When the Rochester wedding notion came up in passing since July, it was a way of saying how frustrated TWIL and I were about finding a wedding house near the water. Remember, we have been searching since July 2006.

After Gatsby- and Martha-like illusions were stripped from our imaginations, Rochester and Lee's back yard offered the fewest complications. And if other locations presented obstacles we'd already sussed out, how hard would reality have bit me in the pale, pale ass?

Then again, Rochester? Hotels? Lower prices. Summer rentals? Close by. Family friendly? Very. Airport? Check. Driving distance? For most folks, principally our families. Familiar? Very, without being so familiar that it's bred contempt. And our friends, who do not live in Rochester, are better able to get up and go there, we think.

Remember Elise, the lady who wanted us to rent her house, but didn't want us to actually have a wedding too near by? Well, by contrast, Lee and Fran said first that they're willing, then that they're honored. Obviously, we asked them at the right moment - before they realized what they're getting into.

"Rochester - because it's easier" is our new motto and mantra. And that crack about "too bad it's in Rochester?" That lip-smacking sound is me eating my words.

The new date:

Saturday, September 1, 2007.

Watch for links from this date forward about what Rah-cha-cha as to offer that no other city built on the technology of the last century can hold a candle - er, LED - to. Here's what I mean.
Until the end of April this year, a luxury excursion:

A one-hour escorted driving tour of Rochester. Admission and tour of the George Eastman House for two people. Lunch for two at La-Tea-Da Tea House, including any lunch menu entree, drink, scone for dessert, tax and gratuity. Package price $98.00 per couple. Driving tour in purchaser's vehicle or through pre-arranged transportation with Carpe Diem Travel.

This offer not available in any of your big-city dee-lux Boston stores! No sir.