Dear Dick: Where did we go?

Dear Dick,

Where did she go? She was here just a minute ago.

Throughout the months and weeks leading up to the wedding, you see your fiancee in new lights. This is essential. This is the crucible. This is who she is. The calm and deliberate life you lead, that's shown you - oh, fill in a percentage here; much less than 100% - that's what you've seen so far.

At least one thing that you treasure about her will be the thing that leaves you feeling lonely between now and your wedding. At the shower, I looked up - I know I've told you about this, Dick. I did, didn't I? Yeah, this round's on him, bartender - So I look up and sure enough, I can see her, but it's not really her. Take a look at the photos. She's focused on the person she's talking to. She wondering if everyone is enjoying themselves. She's aware that there are four people she hasn't talked to and she's carrying on an internal discussion about whether she should worry - no, she shouldn't worry she tells herself. But she breaks away anyway and turns her highbeams on them. All the while she keeps an eye on the room in peripheral vision. The one person she's not worrying about is me.

I love focus of her attention. It's mostly generous and forgiving. It's mostly supportive and kind. Better than these tritenesses, it's mostly mine. Not now. It's for the rest of you. You'll see, Dick.

And I'll be doing the same. Have you got enough to drink, did you meet my mother, I'm not saying anything about your tie (or your shirt or your shoes) - I'm NOT. I don't know if she's looking for me. Or at me. I'm fine. At the end of the day, like the end of the shower, she looks at me with fires banked low and rolls over to sleep. I note to myself that it feels we're far apart. I note she's recharging, not keeping secrets. She's fine and she's not lying when she says she's fine. But you feel alone, Dick. Alone. Which you are. The delight of love is that you don't feel the isolation of being an individual. But that doesn't change the facts.

And then, one or two or three days later, she's back. So are you. You're glad to see each other again. Saved by the hope that you're not really alone in the world. It loomed close, just to remind you that you can't cure the problem of being alive. But this is your break from too much reality. Just one of the hopeful illusions that sustains you between now and the wedding.

Don't be surprised, Dick, when she disappears. And don't give her that look when she reaches out, touches you and doesn't find you. Patience. You'll both be back in no time.